It's So Much Funner with Merriam

Vocabulary

Alphabetronic unendingly chronic to down shot the tonic is probly moronic but hooked on the stuff doesn’t snuff when it’s phonic.
Illiterate apes with more rhymes for their fodder make proud without reading their mother and father
A mending, re fusing up newbies for diction the friction of changes no longer stay fiction
grammatically shifting new eras of sifting through choices of wordage past wordage for ridding
But I’m not here to condemn so I’m left to embrace with a love prima fascia-adore language on face.

Let me increase it, let me enhance it, let me adapt it, for now let me chance it.
Whether changing a meaning or adding a tone please let me now act it. Know that I’m not so alone.

I know you know mister Funner, ruritanian fella, he was a made up adverb and had some secrets in his sella
You see Funner, only used by the lower class of verbal users was so sick and way too tired of grammatical abusers
“Those ivry tower stuck elitists” he would grumble nights while plotting, “with their fancy crossed “t”s and with their i sight careful dotting.
“freaking people these days! with all their quickness just for dissing and their spell-check lusting notions and their dictionary kissing.
“we will see what Webster thinks of me with this explosive on my chest and then I’ll get to have my place in lights or on the page with all the rest.”
“Other forms: sometimes fun-ner some times fun-nest” reads the entry. Now you can all just stop your whining, high and righteous, grammar gentry.
He screamed:

“Let me increase it, let me enhance it, let me adapt it, for now let me chance it.
Whether changing a meaning or adding a tone please let me now act it. Know that I’m not so alone.”

Wasps was what you would want to say she was but she wasn’t what wasps wanted to be because she wanted her place describing much bigger things than those stinging little buggers flyin around with their wings because
greatness is what wasps wished she would willingly wear but it seamed as though the people in the books didn’t care
she got tisks, normal tasks and never tasted the fames
that were deserving of words with what a-wonderful names
lisps flasks asks, while word like that sits and basks,
she never found any glory, drunk every night from sad casks.
She cries:

“Let me increase it, let me enhance it, let me adapt it, for now let me chance it.
Whether changing a meaning or adding a tone please let me now act it. Know that I’m not so alone.”

Now the story goes onward all through the pages of books with people staying the course
keeping it all how it looks.
And while I’m not big on fighting, I know that it’s right to free words from the kingdom of oppression and plight.
Because the overlord “Grammar” with scepter so clean can build great but destroys when he decides to be mean. Because I am “doing good” and I ain’t “doing well”
there are three tüs in the English language take that with you to spell.
so join with me in singing for battered words everywhere
take a stand on your feet as a speaker with care.
I said this language is ours and if we don’t someone will because words can create, the same words all can kill
so get up and start chanting or screaming or yell
I think it’s time that we started
wasps with me. It’s swell. I said

Let me increase it, let me enhance it, let me adapt it, for now let me chance it.
Whether changing a meaning or adding a tone please let me now act it. Know that I’m not so alone.

Oh lets

Let me increase it, let me enhance it, let me adapt it, for now let me chance it.
Whether changing a meaning or adding a tone please let me now act it. Know that I’m not so alone.

Fly Me to the Moon

Fly me to the moon

Let me play among the stars

Let me see what spring is like

On a-Jupiter and Mars

In other words, hold my hand

In other words, baby, kiss me

Fill my heart with song

And let me sing for ever more

You are all I long for

All I worship and adore

In other words, please be true

In other words, I love you

Birds in the sky they know I feel

Head spins around wonder if this is real

I could write you a speech or just give you the shpeel

As I drive through the air got no hands on the wheel

I’m bulletproof, crashproof and the world is my yard

Nothin is tougher than I am not hard

ly noticin simply and motionin floatin the roller the air I’ve been coastin in

Your love is my mission the something I’m missin

Just lift off the sky and its leavin me wishin

and take me away not a moment’s delay and just

fly fly like the birds in the flappin’

Fly, hold me till angels are clappin’

(fly)I’m petrified terrified froze till you by my side

wrap me in loveliness wonder delightnin to

(Fly)strike thunder struck in slow motion or stuck

getting lost for the heck of the ride that I’m dreamin in

takin a nap on small dots on the map an(d)

just a touch of my hand in a blink of a snap

and I’m gone soarin above all the clouds and you

Fly me to the moon

Let me play among the stars

Let me see what spring is like

On a-Jupiter and Mars

In other words, hold my hand

In other words, baby, kiss me

Fill my heart with song

And let me sing for ever more

You are all I long for

All I worship and adore

In other words, please be true

In other words, I love you

Need a Hero

Where have all the good men gone And where are all the gods? 

Where’s the street-wise Hercules To fight the rising odds?

Isn’t there a white knight upon a fiery steed? Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I need

I need a hero

Bonnie Tyler pinpoints what we all need of in her 1985 single. From that four year old tying a towel around his neck and jumping from his bunkbed to his newly laid off father wishing someone would save the his family, we all need someone or something to look toward to save our day. We all feel, especially in times trial, the need for some kind of intervention, some swooping or dashing or flying on our behalf, not just someone in a faraway land fighting some war or some politician fighting for a paycheck, but someone to fight for us, for our safety and prosperity individually. We need someone to care enough to leap tall buildings in a single bound, race faster than a speeding bullet and outrun that locomotive to catch us because, like it or not, we all fall. We can’t defy gravity or stop time so at least a few times in life we’re sprawled on the ground wishing there was someone, anyone to do what we can’t.

The problem is that while we all need a hero, such a superhuman entity, or even help, doesn’t exist. Sure, there are kind souls in the world who truly care. There are people, millions of them, who fight every day for a better tomorrow but no one is out there to save me. No one cares about my problems, about my missing assignment or my scraped knee or my broken heart or my lost job or my losing battle against every trial that comes down my broken road. It seems like even in greatest need, there’s no help for even the strongest and bravest of men and women in our world.

Grant W. Miswald Jr., like the vast majority of us had no heroic intervention. Through the frontlines of the Second World War he wasn’t miraculously saved from a POW camp. He wasn’t part of some heroic rescue mission or a battle that changed the course of the war. He wasn’t awarded metals or honors for bravery or sacrifice and he didn’t get into the history book as a soldier giving his life for something he deemed necessary. Without getting his day or even minute of fame he staggered from a massacred troop division carrying only the blood of murdered comrades into the village where he would find night refuge with another American infantry. He lead a group of three survivors along an empty ridge only to witness their death by mis-ordered American bullets. He was shot, torn, trampled, bruised and bleeding. He fought, ran, tumbled and tripped through unbeatable circumstances and left only with his only prize, life. No one saved him and he didn’t stop me from falling or change the course of the war but somehow his actions, combined with the actions of thousands of others gave us something to live for.

Sure, he didn’t save my life and he didn’t stop me from falling flat on my face but when it came to it, we don’t need someone to stop us from falling. We need the opportunity to fall. No matter how much we hate to admit it, the simple fact that there is no hero stop us from stumbling is what defines the success of those brave men and women who fought for our right to fall. I get to wish I was bitten by a radioactive arachnid and I get procrastinate to write that essay for my American history class. I get to trip and I get to look down at that pavement that just ripped open my pants and bloodied my knee and realize that if it weren’t for the sacrifices made by America’s veterans, there wouldn’t be a road to run and I wouldn’t be free to run it. If it weren’t for the bullet wounds, the misfired shots and the pain suffered by prisoners of war I might never get the chance to scrape a knee or lose a job or procrastinate an assignment and I wouldn’t be blessed with the self determination to not only pick myself up, but to carry that strength into honoring the sacrifices of soldiers fallen and fighting by using that determination to make my world a better place.

So maybe there isn’t a superman to sweep from the heavens above and save a sad situation. Maybe there isn’t an end all solution to all the world’s woes and my individual struggles, but maybe I don’t need a hero because America’s veterans cared about me without even knowing who I am or what I would do with the gift of freedom. I don’t need a superhero because real and remarkable people cared.

Little Shop of Mexicans

Globe, I have neglected thee. It's just that I'm SO BUSY pacing my house figuring out what to do with my life. There are a lot of important things to figure out and it just gets hard sometimes you know.

Two things are on my mind which has developed a limited space for things at all.

#1 election. You know my election woes globe, and I'm sure you also know that yesterday was voting day: the day where people vote. One thing I noticed about the election was that a lot of people won. A lot of other people lost. I've been imagining the Reid father-son conversation today - after of course Rory has viciously devoured his friends ben and jerry in a fit of bottled up rage that only a toothpick lookalike politician and Sharron Angle are capable of. "Rory my boy, I'm so sorry for your loss." "thanks dad, we tried our best but Brian is a" "lets not blame this on any one factor son, you've still got a lot of learning to do to catch up to the campaigning talent of your old man." . . The real issue in the election statewide for nevada is mexicans. Harry Reid won because he's "an immigrant's best friend" and Angle is a colorblind racist. The same is true for Shelley Berkley who is a woman and hence, probably makes killer quesadillas in the House of Reps kitchen. Brian Sandoval won because he is a mexican and Joe Heck and Dean Hell-er won because mexicans at the polls mistook their last names for the old country. It was a victory night for a lot of people, mostly mexicans. Something historical has happened globe. California and Nevada have both elected Brown governors. That's all I have to say on the matter.

#2 I had the pleasure of seeing a tremendous performance of Little Shoppe of Horrors put on by the MVHS theater department. I laughed, I cried I wonder why'ed and I went home. Then i came back for MORE!! Notable moments for me included the trashcan fight involving one of my favorite singers of all time and the Romiette-ish moment where the excellently portrayed Seymour and the tear-jerking female lead decided on sacrificing the not-so-virgin to the plant god of wealth. Also, whoever was on piano is very very talented and the voice of Audrey II was very delightful, especially at the matinée.

GF#RI.

JC 

Politícia

Globe, and by "Globe" I mean "America", and by "America" I mean "People of Nevada", I have a very important thing to discuss today. This thing is one that might raise questions which might solicit answers which might inspire, despire or perspire other negative, positive or neutral responses. The thing I would like to say is this: Politícia. Some of you might be wondering, "what does this mean to me? does this have anything to do with politics? If this has something to do with politics, why am i reading this freakin' stupid thing about politics!? CURSEWORD!! What has the internet come to !?!?!?!?!" The answer to all of these wonderings is simple: yes. in about a month we Globecans (meaning explained above) will be faced with a decision. That decision seems simple on the outside, either the current senate minority leader, or an average Joe-anne painted tea partiatarian. However, the decision is not as simple as it seems. It's between a vicious Obamanite Warrior and a ferocious Palinite hydra. I'm a little bit in the predicament many people in my community are. I'm having trouble deciding. (actually I may or may not be having trouble deciding, but for our purposes here:) I'm having quite a time at it.

Now, my political woes aren't the standard woes that you might have read in your local newspaper. I'm not like all those hippies who can't decide which candidate is the lesser of two evils. I just love both of them so much I can't decide which one to put my full force behind. I just loved the healthcare reform, i don't think that it's fair that those satanistic insurance companies were killing johny because he's sick and I'm tired of hardworking Globecans being either denied coverage or having to pay ridiculous amounts because their hospitals are compensating for uninsured emergency care. That may lead you to assume that i'm all for that Harry guy, but Mrs. Acute has just the same pull on health care because I just HATED the healthcare bill. I don't want all my plastic surgery bills to be taxed to pay for a jobless socialite's cancer treatment and I definitely don't want the government to make me actually use insurance money to pay for emergency visits. I'm also not sure that all the words in that bill were in my reading level and I shutter to think that someone in government is better with words than your average blogger. What is this nation coming too?! Both candidates also have fantastic points of view on Social Security. Sharron wants it gone and Harry thinks it should stay. I'm not sure how they developed these incredibly complex opinions but i love them none-the-less. I hate social security. I don't want the government to give my money to some old guy with a walker. That's not fair to me. On the other hand social security is awesome! I'm so happy to know that when i get old, some young fellas will pay for my groceries. That's so nice of them. I think abortions are fun, but I don't think we should kill babies. I don't like the thought of my rights being protected by homosexuals in the middle east, but I met a gay guy once and it's not fair that he can't serve openly in the military. The government definitely should spend and govern less at all costs but I  like watching the deficit clock online and they do do a lot of nice things for Americans. I'm pretty ANGRY!! and happy.

Luckily, I have a solution to all my woes. I want Harry Reid and Sharron Angle to make a baby. (i advocate they do this without physical contact. Get your mind out of the gutter!) This baby should be named Harry Angle and I will vote for it. In office, it will do all the things I like from both candidates. It will protect the middle class and tax the heck out of nerds with super wealth making careers while simultaneously raising taxes on poor people, eliminating jobless benefits and slipping checks straight into the pockets of specialy interesting billionaires who I'm sure will spend it on creating jobs. It will eliminate social security while making it better and increasing it's impact. It will draft all homosexuals so they can serve our country openly away from our unaborted babies who all will have the right to privacy and their future offspring decisions. Globe, you know this is the only way to go here. I didn't think I could love any two candidates more than i love Harry Literacy and Sharron Obtuse, but fortunately we can elect them both. Lets do this Globe.

Untitled Post #1

It's Friday. You know what that means globe. Well actually, you probably don't know for sure. Heck, i'm not quite sure what it means either to tell you the complete truth, but the complete truth is often overrated. Don't get me wrong, the truth is always a good thing, but I think the great thing about truth is that it's rather elastic. Truth is the great invincible rubber band. Stretch it around any person and you can catch yourself a suspected terrorist or maybe some nice lawsuit winnings or a dirty politician. Or stretch it around your wrist and it will look like you stand for something or that you trade arm bands and are therefore really cool. . Truth is fantastic, but complete truth is an affront to what we're trying to accomplish here. It's Friday for truth's sake! We don't want to run around ruining it by mentioning that the economy still sucks, that Christine O'Donnell is running for office or that Lindsay Lohan's twin sister will miss her in prison. That would be un-American. That would be un-Globecan. Lets reserve this day for hiding from absolutes! Lets stretch that truth! We're out of Iraq! Yeah! Some people still have jobs! Yes! Its Friday and that means everything is going to be alright. Indeed. 


Important news for pests today. The national Bed Bug Summit is underway in Chicago. At least it was yesterday and if it's over by now, re-read the above paragraph's fourth sentence's second independent clause. If you are a bug who lives in a bed and bites unsuspecting children even though their parents told them not to let you, you better get your bug butt to the summit because you are late. That's all I have to say on the matter. 


(the following paragraph should be read pausing after every few words like president Obama does to make it seem official)


Well, it is time for me to mention a point. We need points in this world to make our things into stuff. I've promised the Globecan people stuff and I plan to honor that promise. I'm not the first to take up this battle but I'm determined to be the last. This project is one of real importance to all who are participating and it's one that definitely has a point. Otherwise we'd have nothing to point at others with. I personally like a nice laser pointer or a long pointing stick. In the days weeks and months to come I hope you point in the right direction. Thank you.