Politícia

Globe, and by "Globe" I mean "America", and by "America" I mean "People of Nevada", I have a very important thing to discuss today. This thing is one that might raise questions which might solicit answers which might inspire, despire or perspire other negative, positive or neutral responses. The thing I would like to say is this: Politícia. Some of you might be wondering, "what does this mean to me? does this have anything to do with politics? If this has something to do with politics, why am i reading this freakin' stupid thing about politics!? CURSEWORD!! What has the internet come to !?!?!?!?!" The answer to all of these wonderings is simple: yes. in about a month we Globecans (meaning explained above) will be faced with a decision. That decision seems simple on the outside, either the current senate minority leader, or an average Joe-anne painted tea partiatarian. However, the decision is not as simple as it seems. It's between a vicious Obamanite Warrior and a ferocious Palinite hydra. I'm a little bit in the predicament many people in my community are. I'm having trouble deciding. (actually I may or may not be having trouble deciding, but for our purposes here:) I'm having quite a time at it.

Now, my political woes aren't the standard woes that you might have read in your local newspaper. I'm not like all those hippies who can't decide which candidate is the lesser of two evils. I just love both of them so much I can't decide which one to put my full force behind. I just loved the healthcare reform, i don't think that it's fair that those satanistic insurance companies were killing johny because he's sick and I'm tired of hardworking Globecans being either denied coverage or having to pay ridiculous amounts because their hospitals are compensating for uninsured emergency care. That may lead you to assume that i'm all for that Harry guy, but Mrs. Acute has just the same pull on health care because I just HATED the healthcare bill. I don't want all my plastic surgery bills to be taxed to pay for a jobless socialite's cancer treatment and I definitely don't want the government to make me actually use insurance money to pay for emergency visits. I'm also not sure that all the words in that bill were in my reading level and I shutter to think that someone in government is better with words than your average blogger. What is this nation coming too?! Both candidates also have fantastic points of view on Social Security. Sharron wants it gone and Harry thinks it should stay. I'm not sure how they developed these incredibly complex opinions but i love them none-the-less. I hate social security. I don't want the government to give my money to some old guy with a walker. That's not fair to me. On the other hand social security is awesome! I'm so happy to know that when i get old, some young fellas will pay for my groceries. That's so nice of them. I think abortions are fun, but I don't think we should kill babies. I don't like the thought of my rights being protected by homosexuals in the middle east, but I met a gay guy once and it's not fair that he can't serve openly in the military. The government definitely should spend and govern less at all costs but I  like watching the deficit clock online and they do do a lot of nice things for Americans. I'm pretty ANGRY!! and happy.

Luckily, I have a solution to all my woes. I want Harry Reid and Sharron Angle to make a baby. (i advocate they do this without physical contact. Get your mind out of the gutter!) This baby should be named Harry Angle and I will vote for it. In office, it will do all the things I like from both candidates. It will protect the middle class and tax the heck out of nerds with super wealth making careers while simultaneously raising taxes on poor people, eliminating jobless benefits and slipping checks straight into the pockets of specialy interesting billionaires who I'm sure will spend it on creating jobs. It will eliminate social security while making it better and increasing it's impact. It will draft all homosexuals so they can serve our country openly away from our unaborted babies who all will have the right to privacy and their future offspring decisions. Globe, you know this is the only way to go here. I didn't think I could love any two candidates more than i love Harry Literacy and Sharron Obtuse, but fortunately we can elect them both. Lets do this Globe.