Bumper Cars

Globe, let me tell you a story. Yes, now would be the time to curl up in a blanket and get some milk and cookies. Once upon a time, Mma, a friend of mine, enlisted my help for the creation of a music video for a friend currently serving an LDS mission in Belize.Well, I belize he's in Belize, but sometimes I get confused about these kinds of things. I know you know what I mean, you forgetful globe you. This music video is going to be freaking epic and will be on Youtube and my blog soon for all to enjoy. The epic-est part of the whole thing is that I didn't think it was possible to do the things that we're doing for this project. Video making is like voodoo magic. Quite frankly I didn't think it was real. I figured only mystical and mostly fictional witches did most of the creating for us to enjoy, but it turns our any ol' person can do it as long as they have a lock of hair and a needle. So upon this oncely time, I got into my vehicle (pictured above) and took a drive down the road to Mma's aunt's house for filming. I was dressed all nice in a suit and tie and had my dads old missionary tag on to make everything legitimate. Blocks from my house, ten or so feet down Moapa Valley Boulevard, a small family of lost and confused tourists decided to make a speedy U turn from the right curb without looking to see if anyone was coming. To their defense, our quaint little town is not very crowded and at a hundred other times, they wouldn't have hit anyone, but this time, I was, in spite of my defensive swerve into the left turn lane, hit. And we all lived car-less ever after, the end.

Wasn't that a nice story! No NO NO! you're not supposed to actually answer that, 1) it's a rhetorical question and 2) I didn't even put a question mark. How long have you been reading? (yes, answer that one. it's the reader question of the day! if you don't answer it in the comment section below, your true love crush won't love you like ever and tomorrow you'll miss out on a chance of a lifetime and in seven days a bunch of retired politicians will decide to do a Boston Tea Party re-enactment in your living room and they'll use really hard staining tea that you won't be able to get out, so you'll call stanley steamer and they'll come down and their equipment will break, not because they can't get every stain known to man out, but because they were just due for new equipment but they'll have to fill out the proper paperwork for the damage and someone will draw a funny picture on the back and fax it to their buddy and they'll send it to everyone they know and one of them will be a lobbyist who will start a lobbying scheme to change the way people clean their homes and when congress passes it a billion million dollar earmarks will be underwritten and a million people will start protests asking their congressmen and women to be bored out of their mind reading it and this time they actually will and the government will lose the ability to act at all because they'll spend all of their time reading thousands of pages of legal jargon which they will have to look up in a dictionary and right when America is at it's weakest, we'll be attacked by terrorists and the president will freak out and nuke a bunch of countries that he personally blames and the whole world will be pulled into a nuclear holocaust culminating in the extinction of the human race)

I also had a vision. See, one thing I really enjoyed in high school was speech and debate, and i was pretty swell at it and I think what i want to do with my life is use spoken word to change really big things. Wouldn't that be cool? I think it would be.

Well have a cool day,

So Short.

White Power

For too long we’ve been pretending, misleading, misunderstanding, representing missing makeup making marks remarking fantasies to equalize the genome playing fielders fielding questioning to painters painting pictures of a fallacied reality of something, something that we wish we wished we were non-fiction, but it’s time we changed our vision and our diction for our grandchildren.
It’s time we got our heads on straight and martyred our regretter, who are we kidding? we’ll be asking of course, whites do it better.

One word, word: sports. Two words: Michael Phelp. To find a better Mr. Athlete you are gonna need some help. To find a whiter woman’s baby, well, I’m sure you’ll find one somewhere but the point is he’s a white boy and with white enough to share. “white boys can’t jump” well they can truly swim and dive, and you know affirming action is what keeps other jumps alive.

On to music: Rap? Come on now! Can’t you listen? We white folk beat all those others long ago with Eministen, or whatever that guy’s name is you know sometimes I forget, I guess a white guys got so much that that can happen some I bet. The point is, Mozart’s white and so was Mj and Beethoven. They pretty much invented music or at least where music’s droven.

On to other things important, like politics and living, did you know that 92% of leaders are white and proud of giving? They’re the best at writing laws that build up stock and build up debt. They keep the whole free market system that we live in, don’t forget. To speak of living, we’re outnumbered by the Asians in the east, but even so, we found the coolest places for livin in at least.

Whites make more money, harvest honey, speak so funny, soak up sunny, and you know what I don’t care about the burn I got last week, at least I didn’t tan, you know tanning makes you weak. White people are the greatest! We can build! WE CAN DESTROY! We’ll create a new society of loveliness and joy. We can rid ourselves of inefficient bumps along the chain. Change global atmospheric pressure, on other nations make it rain. We have saved and changed those babies in the lands of far away, so we’ll develop there economies and teach them how to pray.

White! We do what’s right! and White! How dare the queen of hearts paint all our precious roses red? White! We’ll ever fight! and White! It may be time we paint the roses while all others fall down dead. But White! We’ll just forget em cause we’re the greatest at that too for White! we’ll paint the sky to cover every other hue. The green, no, call it whitehouse will trap the sun and rid the night. We’ll pave the acres of other colors with our preciuous purest white!

Heil White! Go White! Read White! Feed White! Need White! Seed White! Bleed White! Because for too long we’ve been giving too much to other races right?

Some Concerning Matters

Folks, the world is full of them. No, I'm not talking about apathetic zombies of the pseudo-totalitarian state. I'm not referring to Asians either although the world is indeed full of those and I am hence deeply concerned.But alas, I'm here to talk about matters. Matters matter. The'res no doubt about that. From little matters like tsunamis and bloodthirsty dictatorial regimes, to huge, all encompassing matters like mismatched socks on fashion illiterate fascists and waves too narly for Asian surfers, matters concern me. I think this is because I'm an empathetically engaged citizen with such deep connections to my fellow globe dwellers. This is why I feel an undeniable need to sit in my comfy chair and vigorously blog about these matters in a way that maybe the eight (that's right, I said eight! :)) lovely individuals who regularly read me, might step back and begin to be concerned with a fraction of the concern I feel daily for the matters that are concerning. Let's begin.

Globe, Jesse J's hit single "Pricetag", in which she, with help, repeatedly declares her lack of care for our money and her desire to make the a world that has spun generally the same way for millions of years dance, is being sold on iTunes for 30 cents more than 99 cents. Last time I checked, that's $1.29 that we're supposed to pretend doesn't matter. This matter matters. There are children in some less fortunate countries that can't even afford an iPod. They may never know about the clearly pertinent lesson taught that "it's not about the bling" or the "ching" And my question also is: What, then, is it about?

World, somewhere in thine wide expanses, some amateur musician and a friend of the same race is playing and singing Micheal Jackson and Paul McCartney's song "Ebony and Ivory" in the key of C. With no sharps of flats, they won't even touch the black keys. When will the madness stop?

Friends, in Israel, there are no hockey moms. Sarah Palin, who has a special place in her heart for that part of the globe, and I are ashamed. That's why, starting now, I'm starting a new mostly non profit organization which I call "Ice Rinks For Israel", IRFI for short, which will provide this basic human right to those poor, poor Israelis. You should donate to the cause out of your personal health care budget. There's no reason natural or governmental causes should force you to be healthy. That's just not right. In fact, it's left.

I have to wake up at 9:30 tomorrow morning. I'm not sure if I can make it.

In my wildest dream, my brother drove us off a million foot cliff. Now I'm afraid of shooting stars and birthday candles.

Math. Oooh. now that's a concerning matter. I don't even think I want to talk about it.

Well people, (when I type that word, I have to say "peee-aw-po-lee" in my head so I spell it right) that's about all my concerns at the moment minus the fact that I have to work soon and I have a feeling that won't be the funnest thing ever. I do have a feeling however, that the funnest thing that has ever happened to you will happen very soon.

On those happy thoughts, I bid thee goodnight.

Whoa Guys. Whoa.

Wow. It's you again. We've got to stop running into each other like this. Someone is going to suspect.I know I suspect. I suspect all the time and it always turns out for the worst, except for those times when it turns out for the better. Ahh yes. I see that a few things have changed since we last had a little chat. WHAAAA?? Right on! I'm a little different too. Yes, those things are at it again.

First on the docket:YOU. You're a fantastic person. Yes I'm writing to you. Secondly: others like you. I know right? I can hardly believe it myself. 7 followers. 2 of which are amazing photographers. Two of which have stuck with me for all this time and two identical twins. M Staley and Oliver. Goodness gracious! A guy never realizes how similar some people look until they are pictured side by side in the followers box. That followers box, it really suits people.

So I went on a little journey to the faraway land of Logandale Nevada to check out the Clark County Fair and Rodeo. Guess WHAT!! I touched a ruminant. Mhm, I know you're jealous. I also tried to snap a couple pictures, but my sanyo (brand name used for effect) for some reason wasn't working right. I ended up just using my LG phone and sending them to facebook for later processing. Darn I wish I had a nicer photographing machine. (po box 1033, overton NV, 89040) Then I'd be a real blogger. Anyway, rode some rides, found out a good friend of mine can't handle the Meri-go-Round, and saw some shows. One in particular was freaking awesome. Tim Gabrielson almost even took my twenty dollar bill. Unfortunately I didn't answer his "where you from?" question and he picked someone else. I also battled snow. On Saturday, it was raining pretty good upon my arrival. As I meandered through the fairly grounded grounds, I noticed that there weren't very many people around. I realized after ducking for some cover in a tent, where all the people had gone. Deciding I didn't like the crowd in the tent, I slipped my ruined-when-wet things into a plastic bag and enjoyed the cold wetness of the way less crowded outdoors. That's because I'm a real man. Also Because I'm a real man I decided to purchase myself some hot meat to go with the now solidified precipitation. The bratwurst stand runners got such a hoot out of the ice falling into my sausage that they snapped a picture and declared it's future publication in their very own magazine. I snuck my hands in the shot for some free publicity. Oh, the life of a famous person.

Sunday was also quite adventurous. Moments before church, I got a mysterious phone call from a man declaredly from "THE STATE" I was a little bit nervous I was being drafted via cell phone.Fortunately, I heard wrong. He was from the stake and he wanted to schedule an appointment for my stake president interview, the final step on my mission papers. What I mean to say here is: "My papers are turned in and in a few weeks, I'll get my call to serve two year mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints" I'm super excited. I'm just a little off put by my friends not leaving till august and hoping that I get to leave earlier than that. If not though I guess I'll just keep stocking shelves for the summer months. I was hoping I would skip out on ice cream season. I love ice cream. Don't get me wrong, but in a Nevada summer, so does everyone else. That doesn't fair well with a frozen department supervisor at the only grocery store within a 45 minute radius.

Well folks, live well. Tip your baggers. Be a good little boy. Mind your p's and q's. Remember who you are and always always always always always ... um, I did have something for you to always do but I got distracted by my continuous typing of the word "always". Darn. I have a feeling it was super important too. Like something I know about that you probably don't and if I could remember it, it would probably drastically change your life for the better. Oh well, I guess you should also check out this blog: http://bythecanonviewfinder.blogspot.com/ it's pretty manly.

So Short.

Twas the Early Morning of Todayness

Globe, buddy, yo.

It' a Christmas miracle. More than that, it's a great tiding of good joy. That's right, yesterday, a thing happened. I was not expecting this thing to occur. Yesterday I had a successful "absolutely no internet day" day. For some reason, I have the odd impression that the rest of the world didn't follow suit which, I'm not going to lie, makes me feel kind of strange. If a tree falls in a forest and no one's there to hear it, I'm pretty sure it doesn't make any noise. It's just simple physics. Likewise, I was pretty sure, if the internet exists and I'm not present to witness it, it loses it's utility. It makes sense in my head ok. You know what? You really need to stop doubting my word. I'm here to help you and I don't think you're being very appreciative of that. Anyway, I came home from a little "What About Bob" watching party at my pal Allen's house at midnightish. Discovering the timely time, and it's not being yesterday anymore, I decided to, via iPod, check and see if my one commenting follower had left any comments on my blog. To my great astonishment, a fifth picture of a very handsome young man appeared in a list of not four but five followers. I almost broke my iPod trying to tap his picture to discover his identity. Unfortunately it was being difficult and after a brief scolding of the contrary contraption I went to bed. I slept through the majority of "What About Bob" which is an excellent movie, so i had a little trouble doing so.

Visions of sugarplums, dancing in my head, were rudely interrupted at six o clock this morning by a brother wanting a ride to school. Upon my return, I was anxious to discover, via computer, who had decided to follow my blog. With a few clicks, I discovered a thing worth blogging about. THE NIKON SNIPER IS FOLLOWING MY BLOG!!!!!!! I mean, (cough cough) superstar bloggers visit my blog all the time. It doesn't surprise me much at all. This is not a thing. It's not even worth blogging about. Ha. I can't spread that kind of lie. While the blog does contain information pertinent to all people, we don't get a lot of visitors, much less visitors with so much finesse for photography and a following of over three thousand. This is indeed a thing. This is indeed a great tiding. This is a game changer. It won't be long, I hope, before I reach my lofty goal of ten followers. Then all I have to do is coerce all of those followers to become regular readers and commenters and BAM! I'll be a step closer to spreading my message of things to all the globe. Globe, today is a good day.

Remember: Remember.

Also remember: wind will blow, waves will crash, time will crumble and so may cash, but it's what we do with the weather determines if what comes is a storm.

The following picture was taken by the Nikon Sniper.

If you don't already, check out this and other captures by the Nikon Sniper:
http://nikonsniper.blogspot.com/2009/07/windmill-silouettes.html

It's So Much Funner with Merriam

Vocabulary

Alphabetronic unendingly chronic to down shot the tonic is probly moronic but hooked on the stuff doesn’t snuff when it’s phonic.
Illiterate apes with more rhymes for their fodder make proud without reading their mother and father
A mending, re fusing up newbies for diction the friction of changes no longer stay fiction
grammatically shifting new eras of sifting through choices of wordage past wordage for ridding
But I’m not here to condemn so I’m left to embrace with a love prima fascia-adore language on face.

Let me increase it, let me enhance it, let me adapt it, for now let me chance it.
Whether changing a meaning or adding a tone please let me now act it. Know that I’m not so alone.

I know you know mister Funner, ruritanian fella, he was a made up adverb and had some secrets in his sella
You see Funner, only used by the lower class of verbal users was so sick and way too tired of grammatical abusers
“Those ivry tower stuck elitists” he would grumble nights while plotting, “with their fancy crossed “t”s and with their i sight careful dotting.
“freaking people these days! with all their quickness just for dissing and their spell-check lusting notions and their dictionary kissing.
“we will see what Webster thinks of me with this explosive on my chest and then I’ll get to have my place in lights or on the page with all the rest.”
“Other forms: sometimes fun-ner some times fun-nest” reads the entry. Now you can all just stop your whining, high and righteous, grammar gentry.
He screamed:

“Let me increase it, let me enhance it, let me adapt it, for now let me chance it.
Whether changing a meaning or adding a tone please let me now act it. Know that I’m not so alone.”

Wasps was what you would want to say she was but she wasn’t what wasps wanted to be because she wanted her place describing much bigger things than those stinging little buggers flyin around with their wings because
greatness is what wasps wished she would willingly wear but it seamed as though the people in the books didn’t care
she got tisks, normal tasks and never tasted the fames
that were deserving of words with what a-wonderful names
lisps flasks asks, while word like that sits and basks,
she never found any glory, drunk every night from sad casks.
She cries:

“Let me increase it, let me enhance it, let me adapt it, for now let me chance it.
Whether changing a meaning or adding a tone please let me now act it. Know that I’m not so alone.”

Now the story goes onward all through the pages of books with people staying the course
keeping it all how it looks.
And while I’m not big on fighting, I know that it’s right to free words from the kingdom of oppression and plight.
Because the overlord “Grammar” with scepter so clean can build great but destroys when he decides to be mean. Because I am “doing good” and I ain’t “doing well”
there are three tüs in the English language take that with you to spell.
so join with me in singing for battered words everywhere
take a stand on your feet as a speaker with care.
I said this language is ours and if we don’t someone will because words can create, the same words all can kill
so get up and start chanting or screaming or yell
I think it’s time that we started
wasps with me. It’s swell. I said

Let me increase it, let me enhance it, let me adapt it, for now let me chance it.
Whether changing a meaning or adding a tone please let me now act it. Know that I’m not so alone.

Oh lets

Let me increase it, let me enhance it, let me adapt it, for now let me chance it.
Whether changing a meaning or adding a tone please let me now act it. Know that I’m not so alone.