Fly Me to the Moon

Fly me to the moon

Let me play among the stars

Let me see what spring is like

On a-Jupiter and Mars

In other words, hold my hand

In other words, baby, kiss me

Fill my heart with song

And let me sing for ever more

You are all I long for

All I worship and adore

In other words, please be true

In other words, I love you

Birds in the sky they know I feel

Head spins around wonder if this is real

I could write you a speech or just give you the shpeel

As I drive through the air got no hands on the wheel

I’m bulletproof, crashproof and the world is my yard

Nothin is tougher than I am not hard

ly noticin simply and motionin floatin the roller the air I’ve been coastin in

Your love is my mission the something I’m missin

Just lift off the sky and its leavin me wishin

and take me away not a moment’s delay and just

fly fly like the birds in the flappin’

Fly, hold me till angels are clappin’

(fly)I’m petrified terrified froze till you by my side

wrap me in loveliness wonder delightnin to

(Fly)strike thunder struck in slow motion or stuck

getting lost for the heck of the ride that I’m dreamin in

takin a nap on small dots on the map an(d)

just a touch of my hand in a blink of a snap

and I’m gone soarin above all the clouds and you

Fly me to the moon

Let me play among the stars

Let me see what spring is like

On a-Jupiter and Mars

In other words, hold my hand

In other words, baby, kiss me

Fill my heart with song

And let me sing for ever more

You are all I long for

All I worship and adore

In other words, please be true

In other words, I love you

The Somewhat Amazing Adventures of Project Grow-A-Friend

You can't see them, but lying on the top of the carefully composed soil in this cup on a water filled Nesquik lid, fiftyish nearly microscopic packages of life are waiting to spring forth into existence. 

It started the other day when my father didn't awaken me from my morning hibernation to give me my mail and instead gave me the package of a packet of a packet of fifty African Hybrid Fantasy Teacup Violet seeds later that afternoon. I was kind of worried when i opened the package.The packet, which I learned today contained a smaller packet, didn't look like it had seeds in it. It looked like this:     .      .      .. Ok so blogger doesn't want to upload the image but just imagine half a golden ticket that is not very packet like and if you shake it you can't hear seeds.I was even more worried today when i further investigated, but we'll get to that. I didn't have any time to plant that day so i waited until today to do the opening and planting and stuff. 

So today i read the instructions on the back of the not so packety packet and also some instructions in the instruction manualish thing that came with the alleged packet of seeds. They wanted me to germinate all the seeds at the same time in some miniature egg carton looking thing. That's more than I bargained for. This is project grow-A-friend not grow-50-friends. That's to much to handle.I decided I could do just one seed instead and went to the store to get some soil and a plastic pot thing - you know, those things they put plants in that are made of plastic. Well, those things that they put plants in and are made of plastic are hard to come by. Also, soil is not sold at the local store where you buy that kind of stuff except in like fifty pound bags. i don't need that much so I decided to improvise. I went the dixie cup route for planting and prepared for soil hunting. 

Soil hunting was a flop. Armed with my shovel and collecting cup, I walked to the river and it turns out, our river doesn't have beach where all the soil is. All the soil sucks and then the ground just drops off into the river like a cliff. I know down there in the water, there is good soil, but I'm not that determined so I found some leftover manure from our garden to construct my soil from. 

I don't know if I told you this, but at the old people swap meet, I got some Humate and Sea Kelp for my soil and i mixed a teaspoon of each with my manure for maximum growing potential. Then, as per instruction I put my creation in a zippy bag and added some water for it to soak up. I had what looked like the perfect ratio of water to soil and I was ready to trasport it to my cup, but then i thought maybe i needed a little more water. i don't know the absorbing capasity of Humately kelpish manure, so I put a little more in the bag and instantly had manure soup on my hands. It was terrible. I don't know if you know this, but once you've made manure soup, it's really hard to separate out the water. I would say it's kind of impossible to just drain it out. I dumped it in my cup and got some of the collected water from the top and then added more dry cow crap to balance it out. Just fyi, something in my soil mixture did not have the most delightful of aromas and i was not having a ton of fun at this point in time. With some complex tinkering of the soil creation, I had a decent looking cup of dirt for planting in. 

Then, I opened the packet. To my surprise, in the packet, was another packet. In this packet was nothing. I'm serious. I kind of believe I've been gypped. upon further investigation i found somethings that might be seeds, but I still kind of doubt that they're real. I've never seen anything so so small and Humately Kelpish Manure colored in my life. I dumped a few on the counter and promptly couldn't tell the difference between them and random specs of whatever is on the counter. I then decided I should tap a "seed" or two on the top of my soil. They're supposed to sit on top to germinate. Unfortunately, it''s hard to only dump one. Sooooooo... I have a lot of invisible seeds on some Poopy, kelpy, wet, humately stuff in my window sill. I can only hope my friend(s) will grow. 

Kansha Shimasu

That's right Globe, tis the season and it's coming. Therefore, it is time for the time where we say that important thing. But we can't say it until we have a word or couple hundred from our sponsor: the weekend. 

On Saturday I arose early, something I rarely do, and got in a bloody fight with that nearly tragically ended with a dead brother. Through this, I was able to attend the annual old people swap meet and go yard sailing very successfully. It's easy to go sailing when it's windy outside and windy it was. At the meet swap I purchased some Humate and Sea Kelp. For those of you that may not know I'm beginning a project I'm entitling "project grow a friend". This project entails me growing some African Hybrid Teacup Violets in my windowsill I've ordered the seeds, they haven't been shipped yet darnit, and the lady at the swap sold me the Humate and Kelp which will enrichify, nutrify, acidify and perfectify the growing environment for my friends. Using the bargaining skills I picked up during many excursions to mexico I talked her into giving me both the Humate and Kelp for the price of one bag of Kelp. Pretty nifty, I know. I'm thankful for Mexicans. At the various yard sales I attended I picked up some poker chips and an easy read book with no words. 

That night, I was texted into work at six instead of nine which was ridiculous and ridiculous because I finished the stuff they wanted me to do within the five hours I was scheduled and didn't need the three extra hours. It was also kind of nice because i got off at 11:56 instead of two and didn't even break the sabbath. Oh Yay. 

On Sunday it was more early mornining for me because church is already early and as the branch mission leader I must attend branch council which is an hour before. That night I was in charge of treats for branch prayer which I didn't attend, so I made my mom make some cookies and then went to the fireside I was singing at. The singing was good the speaker was ok. Speaking of the speaker, I'll do some analysis. He was a republican congressman who is now an old person. Therefore, he was a terrible speaker. That being said, while the man and I more than likely completely disagree politically it's no doubt that the United States of America has deep religious roots. Where I differ from conservatives is where I think the role of government is in religious affairs. The founders would agree with me that no religious principle aught to be imposed by government on the people. It is government's responsibility to create an environment accepting of all religious or not religious belief systems. It is true, as Brother Packard repeatedly said, that government officials should try to be ethically and morally straight but should not punish the American people for their sins. That's God's job. It would be ridiculous in the mind of any conservative for the government to order all people to be gay muslims. Likewise it is ridiculous that government should mandate the American people be straight and Christian. I did very much enjoy brother Packard's historical analysis, specifically that of the revolutionary war and G Washington's miraculous divinely inspired victories. I was also proud that he didn't jump on the tea party bandwagon of government established Christianity and that he didn't call democrats satan worshipers. 

SPEAKING OF SATAN! did you know you can make turkey out of Satan? You can . I learned about it the other day. 

In my last post, I asked a math question: "What is the square root of a square root sign?" Here's the answer

A Factor Tree With Square Roots

A Magic Number

Globe, it is a momentous occasion. I have reached a grand total of 3 followers which makes for a grander total of 4ish readers. This is phenomenal because three plus three is six and six times three is eighteen and the eighteenth letter in the alphabet is "R" and "R" is the rating of the movie that I opted out of watching in my psychology class last night and the movie I didn't watch was called "awakening" and after I left I think they decided it wasn't actually R but that Espinosa is technology illiterate and couldn't play it and "awakening" is what I did this morning in order to tell you all this. I know, pretty legitimate if I do say so myself.

Writing of numbers, specifically the number three, I have this math class.I've always hated math classes. I'm not a big fan of numbers. Anyway this math class is actually really great. That  is, it was great until I failed that last test and got really behind on my homework. I have faith that it will get better though because my teacher is awesome and it uses mymathlab.com which is the greatest math tool of all time accept maybe wolframalpha. As I was saying, there are these things we learned about one time. They're called "log"s and you use them to find the inverse of exponential functions. But then we learned that you can only really solve them if certain rare things happen. That is, if the log becomes log10 or "lne". "e" is what I'm finally getting at here (just fyi,(and by "y" I mean any of my readers that are math heads) we continued to learn more about logs and how to do more stuff with them and we found those inverses). "e" is the natural number. Everytime my teacher said this I laughed because he was just like, "and that makes "e" which, you know, is the natural number and you know," and I had know (spelled that way on purpose) idea. Come to find out, "e" is a number kind of like pi that just pops out of nowhere all over the place in nature. I have never actually witnessed this but i hear it's pretty mind boggling. Anyway, wow this post is really tangenty, I've always had this theory about God's locker combination. Numbers that consistently pop up in the bible must be significant in some way to The Big Man and I figure they combine to open his locker. Sometimes he probably can just hit the locker just right and it opens, but other times he turns the dial and does it the right way. This natural number must be the number of his locker. Someday, probably a Sunday, if I come across a locker number "e", I'm going to have to try some combination of 3, 12, 7, and 40 and then I can steal His lunch money.

All this math makes me want to ask my vast audience a math question: what is the square root of a square root sign. WARNING: this math requires subconscious calculation which is the highest form of math.

Also, why did the math teacher go to Guantanamo Bay? Because she was teaching radicals.

More in number news, when I was transfered to night crew, my boss told me he wants night stalkers to throw (stock) 90 cases an hour but that most of the guys are throwing 60 or below. Well, my current cases per hour is 112. That's right. What now. (I chose a period because it's a statement. Stop questioning my grammar, I'm an English major)


OOOHH!! PS: if anyone wants to grow a friend with me I can hook them up with African hybrid teacup violets that are super cute and I hope they come in the mail soon because I ordered. more on this adventure to come.

Need a Hero

Where have all the good men gone And where are all the gods? 

Where’s the street-wise Hercules To fight the rising odds?

Isn’t there a white knight upon a fiery steed? Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I need

I need a hero

Bonnie Tyler pinpoints what we all need of in her 1985 single. From that four year old tying a towel around his neck and jumping from his bunkbed to his newly laid off father wishing someone would save the his family, we all need someone or something to look toward to save our day. We all feel, especially in times trial, the need for some kind of intervention, some swooping or dashing or flying on our behalf, not just someone in a faraway land fighting some war or some politician fighting for a paycheck, but someone to fight for us, for our safety and prosperity individually. We need someone to care enough to leap tall buildings in a single bound, race faster than a speeding bullet and outrun that locomotive to catch us because, like it or not, we all fall. We can’t defy gravity or stop time so at least a few times in life we’re sprawled on the ground wishing there was someone, anyone to do what we can’t.

The problem is that while we all need a hero, such a superhuman entity, or even help, doesn’t exist. Sure, there are kind souls in the world who truly care. There are people, millions of them, who fight every day for a better tomorrow but no one is out there to save me. No one cares about my problems, about my missing assignment or my scraped knee or my broken heart or my lost job or my losing battle against every trial that comes down my broken road. It seems like even in greatest need, there’s no help for even the strongest and bravest of men and women in our world.

Grant W. Miswald Jr., like the vast majority of us had no heroic intervention. Through the frontlines of the Second World War he wasn’t miraculously saved from a POW camp. He wasn’t part of some heroic rescue mission or a battle that changed the course of the war. He wasn’t awarded metals or honors for bravery or sacrifice and he didn’t get into the history book as a soldier giving his life for something he deemed necessary. Without getting his day or even minute of fame he staggered from a massacred troop division carrying only the blood of murdered comrades into the village where he would find night refuge with another American infantry. He lead a group of three survivors along an empty ridge only to witness their death by mis-ordered American bullets. He was shot, torn, trampled, bruised and bleeding. He fought, ran, tumbled and tripped through unbeatable circumstances and left only with his only prize, life. No one saved him and he didn’t stop me from falling or change the course of the war but somehow his actions, combined with the actions of thousands of others gave us something to live for.

Sure, he didn’t save my life and he didn’t stop me from falling flat on my face but when it came to it, we don’t need someone to stop us from falling. We need the opportunity to fall. No matter how much we hate to admit it, the simple fact that there is no hero stop us from stumbling is what defines the success of those brave men and women who fought for our right to fall. I get to wish I was bitten by a radioactive arachnid and I get procrastinate to write that essay for my American history class. I get to trip and I get to look down at that pavement that just ripped open my pants and bloodied my knee and realize that if it weren’t for the sacrifices made by America’s veterans, there wouldn’t be a road to run and I wouldn’t be free to run it. If it weren’t for the bullet wounds, the misfired shots and the pain suffered by prisoners of war I might never get the chance to scrape a knee or lose a job or procrastinate an assignment and I wouldn’t be blessed with the self determination to not only pick myself up, but to carry that strength into honoring the sacrifices of soldiers fallen and fighting by using that determination to make my world a better place.

So maybe there isn’t a superman to sweep from the heavens above and save a sad situation. Maybe there isn’t an end all solution to all the world’s woes and my individual struggles, but maybe I don’t need a hero because America’s veterans cared about me without even knowing who I am or what I would do with the gift of freedom. I don’t need a superhero because real and remarkable people cared.

Thermal Depolymeriized on wednesday afternoons.

Yeah, I know what your asking yourself at this very moment. Your answer is hidden deep inside you. Get to know yourself and do some meditation and maybe you'll be lucky enough to figure it out.

Today's episode is brought to you by the color green and the number 6,880,259,599.

World, I've learned some things. I like doing that every once in a while. You know, to keep me busy, and it always makes me feel pretty cool and educated and I think yall deserve to be cool and educated so let me educate you. First, over the weekend I learned a couple of things. I had the opportunity travel independently to virgin valley high school. On my way I learned fact #1: Google is a liar. I asked it for directions to the school before I left and it told me to take exit 2, turn right and make another right on hillside. you can't go right on hillside. I know this because I tried it. When you try to turn right on hillside, you actually turn into a fence blocking off a parking lot of a casino. It's not pretty. and so I un-turned and went straight, I figured I could take a left a the next road and sneek up on the back of the high school. I soon learned that I figured incorrectly but not before I learned Fact #2: that if you're trying to turn left, you can get stuck at a stoplight for EVER! It was red when I got there, until it turned green but there were a ton of cars and so I yielded until the light redded again and then on the next green there were more cars to yield to. and then a red again and after the third red there was finally a place to turn.

Fact #3: When i arrived there I learned that Lane Tait is the student body president of good ol' vvhs. Pretty nifty right! I know, I thought so. He's my relative in some kind of way I think, at least that's what it felt like at the wedding.

Fact #4: Also on Saturday, I judged a blind person! I know that sounds bad and before you whip out your bible, you should know that I was judging a speech tournament and he was one of the competitors. It was a very interesting and diverse round, there were three mormons, including myself and the blind kid, a mexican and a muslim and a blind person. I know, pretty awesome huh!Yeah, so it was a spar round, which is like little spontaneous debates and the competitors are supposed to flip a coin to find out what the topic is and who gets which side and nobody had a coin BUT there was an awesome color wheel in the classroom so I had each competitor pick three colors and if it landed on one of theirs they won the coin toss. Pretty innovative huh? That's what I thought. BUT THEN!! A blind person came in late. I wrote a note to the muslim,  who I made stay behind because he had a timer, asking if it was appropriate to make a blind person pick three colors on a color wheel. He wasn't sure. I'm still not sure. What do you think globe? Hmm. that's an interesting opinion. Anyway so we were lucky enough to find a coin to flip so everything worked out. The blind kid was an excellent speaker for a novice and he had an awesome blind person laptop. AND! Guess what he said when he left! I mean it guess. . . "see ya later" I know. I know. I thought the same thing.

So I had this awesome idea since the election ended but I didn't follow through fast enough, but maybe in another election, I'll do it. As I was driving down the road I smiled when ever I saw a sharron angle sign (uncapitalized on purpose) that was about to be thrown away. But then I thought that it was a shame that all those political signs were being turned into trash to trash up the planet and I had a very green idea! What if I went around town and asked people if I could take and recycle their now pointless political signs! it was ingenious right!? Well, i didn't act quick enough and now the signs are gone and I don't think my other green idea of thermal depolymerization of teapartyists to stave off an energy crisis is very "street legal." So.

Congratulations earth on your 6,880,259,599th baby. Before we know it we'll be at that 7 billion mark I've been rounding up to for years.

Hasta la vista!

ps. other facts: It is cold in walk in freezers, it is not fun to work in walk in freezers, I don't like frozen things, most of the frozen items that I was supposed to stock on saturday DO NOT EXIST!!!!!! That's it.

Por La Noche

I've made a life changing discovery. It happened just the other day as I was typing my last entry in this earth changing project. Globe, you don't have to spend countless hours prewriting, rough drafting, organization and line editing, rewriting, spell checking, typewriting and finalizing to do this blog thing. You just have to sit down, snap a picture and start writing. You probably don't have that many readers anyway. Of course that isn't the case for me. Let's see, there are about 6.8 billion people on earth, 30% of all animals, some wandering spirits and a couple inanimate objects, that makes: alot of readers. BUT nonetheless, a lot of work is not necessary. Don't get me wrong, this world changing is hard stuff, but like anything big, it's not about doing big things, it's about getting the tools to do big things, learning how to use then and when the time comes, so will the world changing. Hard work is only hard for the unprepared.

So, I'm posting on a schedule. We finished movie night, I've prepared myself for shelf lurking and am about to go out on the night stalking. You read me right. I'm a night stalker. . . A creature of the night. I begin at 9 and arrive back at the cave at 4 or 5. BEWARE!! And, have you ever wondered what happened to a gallina in between becoming a pollo? I have. That is all.